So the world was gonna end!!

So....you alive?

haah! ofcourse yes! else you wont have smiled like that!

Did you imagine an earthquake parting ground to two and we all becoming the part of that spurting hot yellowish lava and turning to a roasted chicken the very next second?

But if you live near some sea or some river then you must have imagined a flood spiflicating your house and you would die gulping a lot of water? Don’t tell me that you learnt swimming particularly for this day!!

Are you in contact with god and working on your own ark to save yourself, like Noah did? Do take me along. I would be a useful resource!

Different people and different theories! I still wonder how this date got selected, 22-12-12. Too many twos and two ones!

Except for the reason that we survived and are still on this earth, there are many reasons to cry (and laugh) about.

Just thought a few….

Side effects of world not ending on 22^nd Dec:

·         A survey showed that most of the newbie criminals this year confessed that they did a crime in the lieu of the world ending on 22^nd. Now they all are searching for the group of scientist who professed so. They want to hit another crime!

·         Many online portals reduced their product rates to set a record in revenue sales. Since we are still alive, they are arranging for some money to buy locks to shut their offices.

·          Ladies shopped shop to shop OFF SALE with their husband’s credit card in the month of November and December. Today courts are filled with lakhs of divorce cases

·

   Students, dreaming an escape from their end term exams, spent their time on Facebook and twitter. Alas, Sumit will have to wait for another one year to be an Engineer. He has an obvious reason to fail though! (really!!)

·      Men who deliberately got married before 22^nd in a hurry to loose virginity before dying are seen in the beer bars cursing their greedy lust!

·         The electronic companies who extended their warranty to life time have fired those employees who supported this idea!

Survival was also not that bad:

·         Black money would have turned black and Switzerland had been the richest place to vanish, all thanks to us, the Indians!

·         You got a few things for a cheaper price. You can pass the money saved to me!

·         And ofcourse, you are laughing and reading this article.

Was this something proposed? This ‘Kalyug’ was going to end, in the same way as god saved Noah! Well I don’t think so! We will live till we create our end, and this is certainly not the end. I have not yet explored my new cell phone! I have just got a new mobile phone, and the dealer has given me one year warranty!

God himself (and with the permission of the Goddess) said ‘Never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth’. How could such great words from god be false? We will be living till we choose to die. It won’t be the god, but we ourselves who would genocide the human race.

And yet ofcourse, I am not married yet! How can I die virgin?

N!K

!!LIO!!

!!!!WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A SOFTWARE ENGINEER!!!!

Sitting amidst of lakhs of engineers in the cyber hub of Gurgaon, I, a Software Engineer, sometimes think how difficult it is to be the one.

After the parrot cram of tons of answers for the absurd questions, exhausting the pen till the last drop of ink in the exams and thereby getting an expertise in generating own petty answers in the viva (where answers have no relevance with the question asked) – a proud product that comes out is a ‘Software Engineer’.

The word ‘Engineer’ has been India’s most favorite word in the past decade and thence every mother wants her child to earn this sobriquet which doesn’t even guarantee a job (if you belong to some ‘good’ college like mine).
And somehow if you get into the job, then you need to rug your ass hard to survive.
Don’t believe me?
See this:

The life jog starts early morning when he has to leave for office (if his office is in the outskirts of the city, his life is a hell!). Perfectly dressed up, somehow reaching office, he will listen to his manager for coming half an hour (atleast) late. Eventually, realizing that school was best part of life, he would skip his breakfast and will start his system. A series of requirements, codes and test cases would haunt him all the day. After his belly would bring a few voices against his unmeant hunger strike, he would rush for the lunch. With no option he has to return to his seat in half an hour for the meeting scheduled with client.
Client is like Godfather. No matter how so ever his day has been, he will have to smile to show the vigor and excitement he has for the work (No one has it, I tell you). The godfather would raise unnecessary bugs those would take rest of our engineer’s day to solve.
Ogling at the hottest chic on the floor, he will pass his whole day and a look from that girl would suffice to pass another two days.
The superfluous day ensures that he has no time for himself. By the time he will reach home (may or may not), half of the world might have slept and all power is exhausted to do anything.
What all an ‘Engineer’ loses:
• Respect: When boss shouts at him because the lot of work being assigned is still pending.
Yaa! Standing quiet makes him bold. That’s a plus point.

• Patience:  When his hand written code is bumping out errors, every time he shouts ‘Fuck off you filthy shit of code!’

• Health: Sitting on the chair in front of the computer screen for the whole day makes his belly to dangle out. Some offices do provide gyms but no time to avail this modest service. The inches of his belly define the experience he has in the industry.
(oohh....42 inches....you must be the Team lead. Right? )

A software engineer is incomplete without his specs! He should feel absolutely fine in case of hair loss!


• Money: IT Company pays not even the 20% to him of what clients pays for him.

• Surroundings : An Engineer is least bothered about what is happening around. Project requirements dart around his mind all the time.
(kasab died!?!...when does that happen?)

• Girlfriend: Due to lack of time his girlfriend asks him to choose between her and his work. Earning to sustain is the only option he has. No girlfriend saves his mobile bills as well.
(don't know if this is true for girls as well)

• Language:  see this:
A man was standing on the railway track unknown about a train approaching him. A Software engineer sees this and shouts:
‘hey dude!! A train with a speed of 120km/hr is approaching towards the point exactly where you are standing! So please……’. Meanwhile the train runs over the man and he dies. Then our software engineer completes: ‘get aside’.

An engineer is like a labor, who is asked to build a wall but don’t know why! He is like a driver who has no destination to go, blindly following his master’s edicts.

But life is about struggle. Isn’t it?
One, who bears with all this with a smile and commitment at heart, succeeds. He is the true Engineer, who knows how to make up his life despite of all difficulties! Innovation comes from those who know how to sustain longer and better!
Complete your work on time. Know what you are doing. Don’t do hard but smart work. Make best use of the resources at your workplace. Understand the work flow of the projects so that when some good day you do something on your own, you know how to go for it!
An engineer is the one who builds himself not the code, who tests himself at every situation in his life, not merely the test cases, who knows what it requires to be a successful person!

Feel proud to be an Engineer!!

For Engineers, by an Engineer,
NiK